this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
