Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
