Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
