Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
