yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
