Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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