We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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