we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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