Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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