she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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