do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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