Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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