You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
