3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
