I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
