i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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