he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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