i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
