Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
