Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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