I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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