fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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