just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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