I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
