Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize