my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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