If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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