No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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