She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
