All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on