Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights