I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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