very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.