He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.