please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
