Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3194) Bad night (735)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying

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  (+44): Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying http://tfl.nu/14fx
  Replies (62) Good night (6602) Bad night (886)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7556) Bad night (977)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

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  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (8223) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

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  (781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68
  Replies (12) Good night (6392) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.

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  (603): You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time. http://tfl.nu/k6f1
  Replies (22) Good night (4525) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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  (978): This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students. http://tfl.nu/2o57
  Replies (8) Good night (2843) Bad night (1350)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

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  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (2046) Bad night (901)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.

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  (614): Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles. http://tfl.nu/gha2
  Replies (10) Good night (2564) Bad night (600)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.

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  (832): No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare. http://tfl.nu/aa8b
  Replies (17) Good night (2262) Bad night (562)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.

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  (850): Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list. http://tfl.nu/5auq
  Replies (6) Good night (1379) Bad night (514)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into

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  (313): Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into http://tfl.nu/0v44
  Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in

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  (503): if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store. (1-503): oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in http://tfl.nu/nfm9
  Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (331)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick

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  (478): I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick http://tfl.nu/ahbd
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (460)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"

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  (604): When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof" http://tfl.nu/pdgz
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (279)

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