I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
