The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
