last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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