i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
