Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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