so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
