like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
