3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
