That's intense
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
