I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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