This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize