I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
