he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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