Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
