shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
