you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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