I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
