But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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