He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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