i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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