I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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