omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
