That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
