I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
NoShamevember. You game?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
