is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
