I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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