i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
